We hemmed and hawed for ages. But after buying bag after bag of beautifully polished stones from state parks, museum gift shops, and even toy stores, Santa gave in. I mean, who wants to squelch a budding geologist?
We are now on day 4 of what sounds a cheap outboard motor stuck in the bayou. And as predicted, just like a new puppy, cries of, “I’ll do it Mom…really” have vanished just like the cookies left out for the jolly old elf.
So if you are being swayed by the lure of a glinting quartz and the low-grade whine of a child whose life is simply incomplete without a rock polisher, let me bring you back to reality with a dose of ugly rock polisher truth.
It takes 3 weeks of a constant grinding noise (because it’s rocks tumbling around, after all). You have to go through 4 steps of gradually less gritty grit to smooth and polish the damn things. You have to rinse them between each step, but the water can’t go down the drain. It’s noisy. You have to check on the smoothness every day (not that they give you a guide to tell you when you can move to the next level). And did I mention the noise (play the video for the full experience).
So I am left to tend the rock polisher, just like I feed the dog. I need another job and another noise in my house like I need a hole in my head.
Take it from me, if your kid whines like an Evinrude gone bad for a rock polisher, buy any broken appliance you can find at a garage sale and a bag of polished stones from the store. Pick up some rocks from the street, and well, you get my drift. It’s a miracle – overnight rock polishing. You can tell your kids the machine is so special it can do 3 weeks of work in one night!
And if by some chance your kid’s rock attention span is longer than 15 minutes and he becomes a geologist and feels like he got the shaft? Divert his attention away from the rock-polishing lie to talk about Santa. Because if I can damn well lie about who brought the gift, surely a little fib about how it works is all magma under the bridge.